what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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