You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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