sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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