were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
