my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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