so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
