I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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