i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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