his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
