he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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