I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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