She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
