"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
