You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
