already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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