I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My liver just had a heart attack.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
