____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
