Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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