i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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