If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
