is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
