I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.