Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
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Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.