My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
