She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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