Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs