Texts From Last Night

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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.

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  (647): Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada. http://tfl.nu/nu9s
  Replies (38) Good night (4111) Bad night (521)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...

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  (810): I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work... http://tfl.nu/lwph
  Replies (29) Good night (4411) Bad night (685)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.

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  (865): Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet. http://tfl.nu/z1qf
  Replies (8) Good night (3432) Bad night (839)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  No, you can still breathe under the balls.

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  (775): No, you can still breathe under the balls. http://tfl.nu/znk7
  Replies (3) Good night (2456) Bad night (802)
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  (516): View more from New York

  How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"

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  (516): How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction" http://tfl.nu/s1bm
  Replies (16) Good night (846) Bad night (4931)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.

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  (773): Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years. http://tfl.nu/9eix
  Replies (10) Good night (6384) Bad night (1235)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys

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  (615): You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys http://tfl.nu/1mtc
  Replies (2) Good night (2469) Bad night (973)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.

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  (417): Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by. http://tfl.nu/hvbu
  Replies (14) Good night (3278) Bad night (1023)
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  (845): View more from New York

  one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down

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  (845): one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down http://tfl.nu/yzd4
  Replies (5) Good night (1829) Bad night (830)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future 

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  (403): Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future  http://tfl.nu/vgsd
  Replies (3) Good night (810) Bad night (444)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.

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  (218): I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you. http://tfl.nu/buqu
  Replies (14) Good night (1543) Bad night (516)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.

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  (920): We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette. http://tfl.nu/65r6
  Replies (1) Good night (823) Bad night (379)
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  (722): View more from

  It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush

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  (722): It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush http://tfl.nu/4mo5
  Replies (4) Good night (389) Bad night (869)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.

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  (585): Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins. http://tfl.nu/7q6y
  Replies (3) Good night (839) Bad night (341)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.

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  (+61): I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery. http://tfl.nu/egkw
  Replies (0) Good night (306) Bad night (239)

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