Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.

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(206): View more from Washington

when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.

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(954): View more from Florida

You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(240): View more from Maryland

Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?

(732): View more from New Jersey

like it was yesterday

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(516): View more from New York

she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?

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(281): View more from Texas

Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.

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