I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
