Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
