He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
