Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
