I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
