I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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