you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
