My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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