When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
