Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Randomize
