we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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