He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
