I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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