My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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