Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
