Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
