i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
