so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
