You're completely useless in the revolution.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
