and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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