So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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