I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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