I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
