I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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