wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
