..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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