Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
