there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
