I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
