And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize