I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
