an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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