I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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