I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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