I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All the doctor said was why
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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