I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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