Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
