get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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