So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
