if you like me you must not know who I am
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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