im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
