All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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