I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
