if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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