I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
